It goes without saying that throughout the history of the presidency, there have been no females elected president. There also has not been any president who isn't white- but that is a different topic for a different article. After surpassing 22,000 friends on her Myspace page, Hillary Clinton decided to run for the 2008 presidential election, and she undoubtedly has the best chance of any woman in American history to become the first woman head-of-state. That's all fine and dandy, but if Hillary get sworn in, what will become of her husband Bill? For those of you with a selective/ exceptionally poor memory, Bill held the commander-in-chief post from 1992-2000. The Clintons would theoretically become the first couple to both serve as president, unless you count George W. being coupled by the foreign policy decisions of his father. Hillary's election would make Bill the first male First Lady in our nation's history, causing him to become emasculated like no world leader since that one time Hitler wore those pink fishnet stockings to a Nazi death march in '41.

The First Lady of the United States has traditionally served several purposes and is responsible for numerous duties. Clearly, Hillary would be much to busy to attend to the mundane duties of First Lady as well as the presidency. Here are a few things that Bill would in charge of if Hillary becomes the 44th president:

Supervising the kitchen and butler staff of The White House. I'd imagine that the last thing these staff members heard from Bill probably concerned cleaning up a stain on a dress somewhere. The creme de la creme sound bite of Hillary's presidency may be her saying "Bill, make me a sandwich."

Redecorating the presidential living quarters. Yikes, I think Bill might have to turn in his "man card" for this one. Having to play "makeover" with the bedrooms is likely something Mr. Clinton would rather watch on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy than actually participate in.

These guys are going to be Bill's new best friends.

Entertain the wives of ambassadors at teas. Oh lord. Letting Billy loose in a room full of the wives of ambassadors means nothing but trouble for foreign policy. If she knows whats good for her (let alone her relationship), Hillary will have to step in and host the tea party herself.

Announce his favorite recipe to the press. This tradition began with first lady Mamie Eisenhower, who's favorite dessert was "million-dollar fudge." It looks like it is time for Bill to don an apron and some oven mitts and start baking. Leading candidates for the new First Recipe include a cold beef stew called Gorelash and a dessert named Impeached Cobbler.

Organize the annual White House Easter egg hunt. Where will Bill hide the eggs? Your guess is as good as mine, but I'd suggest Mr. Clinton chooses locals where he can hunt for the eggs and hide from Hillary simultaneously. Prime locations include inside a broom closet on the opposite side of the building from the oval office, in a ham sandwich on rye at the White House Deli, and inside of some perky young interns. (I can't play the joke out enough)

Participating in charity and humanitarian work. Nothing funny to add about this one- what, you expect me to make fun of charity work?

The position of first lady is not an elected position, it does not carry any official duties, nor will it earn Billy a salary. However, I think he would consider it an honor to play hostess at all of our country's ceremonies and events. Who needs a pair of stones anyway?

 

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